Saturday 26th February 2011

February 26^th 2011 

It has been over a week since I last wrote and I have had an interesting time.  Although I haven’t been feeling sick at all, which is a blessing; two of the side-effects from the medicine have kicked in – ulcers and stomach problems.  Needless to say my mouth and throat are a little sore and my stomach feels like a lead balloon most of the time.  The good thing about both of them is that I have medication to combat them.  The bad thing I am beginning to feel like a regular client at the pharmacy,

Apart from these two inconveniences things are going reasonably well.  We had a visit to the doctor who is organising my radio on Tuesday and she was extremely helpful.  Her English was good: always a bonus; and she was more than happy to answer questions.  We asked about the stage that they found the cancer and for those in the know I am level two and stage one which is not perfect but it could be a lot worse.  They found three lumps under my arm, which they removed, and as it is less than four they were very pleased and are more than hopeful that everything will be alright.

I was given a schedule for my radio and as long as I finish my chemo on time I should start radio on the 16^th May for 5 weeks; finishing on the 18^th June.  That will be five days at a time: the weekend off, and then start again on the Monday morning.  As both our wedding anniversary and my birthday are in the middle of those dates,  I know how I will be celebrating.   I wonder how soon after the treatment my hair will start to grow. 

During the week a large box of hats and scarves arrived from a friend in the UK; thanks Dot.  So on Thursday we did a skype connection, complete with camera: and had a fashion parade of some of the hats; I still have to work out how to use the scarves.  It was a fun-filled hour which cheered me and kept us laughing.  It is things like that which makes an ordinary day much more fun.

I have an appointment with my chemo doctor this coming week; this is just to keep a check on my blood works and to see if there are any other various problems.  It should be an interesting chat and perhaps she can give a good medicine for my stomach

Well the sun is shining: although the wind is a little cool; we have just returned from walking on the beach.  Life certainly isn’t that bad.

February 17th 2011

I had another session of chemo yesterday. When I woke up today I was actually feeling much better; not really feeling sick at all.  I was a bit tired as we had to get up earlier for a Skype chat from Spain so I had a rest later in the morning which made me feel much better.  I was awake for an hour or so in the middle of the night; which does seem to be a factor for the first couple of days after my chemo session.  The other good thing is that I can actually taste my food which I hadn’t been able to the last couple of times.

During the night my mind is very active; I almost feel I could write a book for all the things that I am thinking about but they wouldn’t make sense in the light of the day. 

Going back to my “chemo day”, it didn’t start well.  I arrived at the station at 7:45 for the 7:49 train which failed to arrive.  I worked out there was one at 7:09 which would still get me to the hospital for the 8:00 appointment; although they do ask you to be there half an hour early.  Needless to say this didn’t turn up either.  I later found out that CP (Portugal trains) was on strike.  Unfortunately we do not watch Portuguese news so I had no idea.  I rushed back to the house, jumped into the car, and arrived at 7:40 at the hospital.  To add insult to injury the automatic machine that takes the car parking direct from the bank wasn’t working so I had to take a ticket.  At the end of the chemo I pushed the ticket into the pay machine only to be told that the payment was €240. Julie; my chemo buddy;  took the ticket to the ticket office and got a slightly better bill of €1.90. 

A couple of days ago I finally put the shampoo and conditioner that I use back in the cupboard.  It seems a small thing to do but I felt it was important.  It was like one more acceptance that you have cancer; have no hair: and you won’t be needing things like for a while.  Looking on the bright side my showers are much quicker, which means I can have that extra time in bed; always a bonus.

Well next week I should hopefully find out about my radiotherapy which follows my chemo.  I also want to ask what stage they think they found the cancer at.  The problem is that unless you ask here in Portugal they assume that you don’t want to know, not so in my case.  Part of me wants to know the other part doesn’t.  Let’s see how it goes. 

Tuesday 15th February 2011

I have had a real mixture of days: going from feeling really great to being so tired I had to go to bed even before people left on Sunday night.

Speaking to the family really lifts my spirit up so on Saturday morning I was feeling really good as I spent over an hour speaking with different people.  Saturday afternoon was a different story; we went for a walk as it was such a great day and after 15 minutes my legs felt like lead and I was worn out.  I came home and slept for two hours.

I spent the next couple of days being very frustrated as I wanted to feel good but didn’t.  I still have to come to terms with doing too much and paying the price for it afterwards.   As a great friend from Tanzania wrote “Would you PLEASE be patient with yourself?” Thanks Lisa I am trying,  but not succeeding very well. 

Monday evening was spent with friends over a meal and it is amazing how uplifting that is.  I had a great night’s sleep and felt good this morning; friends are so special.

Well tomorrow is chemo day: I have to be at the hospital by 7:30am.  Do you think I can sleep on the train and remember to get off at the correct station – watch this space.

This is a picture of Bill and I having a great meal on his birthday - and no, I do not have hair.

Wednesday 9th February 2011

Life has been reasonably quiet and normal the last few days.  It is amazing how good it is to lead a normal life: no hospital visits or doctor visits; just a quick trip to the clinic to pick up a prescription.  Bill is going to physiotherapy three times a week and on the days that he doesn’t do that we are trying to take a daily walk; this is to build my strength up and because the doctor told Bill that he needs to do it.  He got caught out by the various cholesterol levels when he had a blood test and got a mild telling off.

I think the main thing that I find frustrating is that I am not as fit as I think I should be.  People keep telling me that I have had a major operation and that I have cancer and it is normal to feel tired all the time.  I also get out of breath very easily which annoys me.  I guess patience is not my strongest point when it comes to health.  I want everything to be like it was before but I am finding that I have to rest more often and I sleep a lot and that bugs me.

On the up side the weather is warming up nicely which means that walking on the beach path is now becoming a pleasure, I love the ocean and enjoy breathing in the sea air.  Spring is on the way and we see new life springing out all around us.

Because life is normal at the moment I will leave writing more for another day.  I have chemo next Wednesday so will take the time to enjoy the week before it all starts again.

4th February 2011

Perhaps today I should call this blog “the hair”.  For those who have been reading you will know that I do not have any of my own hair as I had it shaved it off last week and I am so glad that I did.  A little cold around the ears and back of the neck but at least I am not shedding everywhere.

“The hair” is my wig which I am convinced has a life of its own and we have a real love/hate relationship.  If I am leaving the house, or having visitors, I put “the hair” on.  The back and sides are fine, more or less doing what I what it to do.  The top and fringe is another thing.  Each part sticks up in every way possible, looking as if I had just fallen out of bed.  Believe me; nothing could be further from the truth.  I have to spend more time with “the hair” then I ever did with my own natural hair.  That took a quick shower, a towel dry and a quick comb.  “The hair” will take any time up to 15 minutes and even then it still looks a mess.

I have worked out how to tame “the hair”; I spend yet more time adding my scarf which I do enjoy wearing; or just stick a hat on it.  This is by far the easiest and it will depend on what mood I am in as to how it goes.

I guess the important thing is to look good before going out.  I have discovered after many years that looking good is more important to me now than it ever was before.  If I make an effort it is like saying to the cancer that I am better than you and I can beat you, so be afraid. 

Today is a great day: the sun is shining and it is almost warm and I feel alive and normal, well as normal as I will ever be.