Friday 25th March 2011

Well the waiting game finished Saturday morning; I didn’t think I could feel so bad.  I think I had all but one of the side effects that they mentioned; stomach pains; absolutely no energy at all; tiredness all of the time and fever.  To add to this I have been waking up three times a night soaking wet with either fever or perspiration.  The good thing that last night was the first time that I didn’t have the fever, just the perspiration.  Now I know what people mean when they say chemo is bad.  Yesterday was probably the first time I have felt half normal.  I say only half as the time is certainly getting longer as to how long I feel good.  I even managed to do some work today which is the first since last Friday. 

My main concern with this is not the side effects; I know that they will finish; but that my blood count is back to normal on the 5^th April which is my next chemo.  If it is not then they will delay the chemo for a few days if not a week.  Delaying chemo means delaying radiotherapy and I have now got to the stage where I just want it finished; praying that I don’t need more.

Also something that doesn’t help Bill’s has had a bad cough/flu type cold as well; so I do think we might be a very unhealthy household at the moment.

For the first time I think ever since Riverside Porto Church started they had a meeting here; where I was physically in the house; but not in the meeting.  I said hello to a few people and retreated to bed were I just rested.  This week I have really had to listen to my body; which said if I don’t lie down I may fall down; so I took its advice.

I went for my scan last Thursday; it was to check something that the doctor had seen on my spine.  Whatever it was it had nothing to do with my cancer.  That was great news; so now to carry on with the treatment.

Have there been some good times this past week; not many to be honest but I know that there will be and I will keep fighting.  Please keep praying and fighting with me.

Tuesday 15th March 2011

We have been away at the Christian Associates (CAI) Leaders Summit since last Wednesday; arrived back yesterday; having stopped in at Mountainview Church in Madrid on the way back. 

It obviously did us good as when I had the blood tests yesterday just before chemo it was remarkably good.  I wasn’t sure that I should tell them that we have people praying for us all over the world; they may not understand.

We left for Madrid last Wednesday and arrived to be greeted by so many friends and fellow workers, it was great just being in the real world.  This year was obviously different as I found after the first day I needed more rest than I hoped I would need.  On the second day I took more rest and found I could cope much better.  I also got used to wearing “the hair”.  It surprised me that nobody seemed to realise that it wasn’t my own hair; although I wore either a hat or headscarf.  Perhaps they thought that I was being religious; not much chance of that I would add.  It obviously looks better than I thought.

We spent our Sunday morning and some of the afternoon at Mountainview Church; another CAI church where our great friends Richard and Riekje are the pastors.  We spent two nights kipping down with other great friends Rob and Chris.  It was nice to be able to share with the people at Mountainview how we are doing at Riverside Porto and our vision for the future.  We also shared our health stories as well; keeping it quite light: and it was lovely to hear how it blessed other people.   As I have said before it is great nowadays when life is normal.

We arrived back yesterday with me having to go straight from the airport to hospital for blood tests and chemo.  The blood tests as previously mentioned went well with good results.  Unfortunately I messed up with some of the medication, due to not fully understanding the Portuguese which meant that it was delayed for an hour so, along with Julie; spent far more time in the hospital than was actually needed.  The good thing was that we got it sorted out in the end and I now know what I need to do next time.  Even better so far the after effects are really good; how long that will last I am not sure: another waiting game. 

I am not sure if it is the result of the chemo but I find that if I wake up during the night I am really hot; so hot indeed that my pillow is soaking wet and I am almost dripping with sweat.  It feels that I am going through the change again; which is something that I want to do without.  It may be connected but I honestly don’t know. 

Anyway back to the real world, if that is possible, I have a scan on Thursday to check for something.  When I found out what it is for I will let you know.  I am sure that my doctor told me, but that was a while back and I have forgotten.    Life is good at the moment, may it keep on being like this.

Saturday 6th March 2011

This past week I went to see my chemo doctor who explained my next set of treatment.  I will be on a completely different set of drugs which can give me a new set of side effects.  The side effects of these drugs don’t sound that nice but according to the doctor they have medicine for everything.    What this means is that they give you a whole bunch of medicine  which I call “just in case”.  I am beginning to understand why drug companies are so rich.   

I am feeling very tired most days now; which I have been told is one of the larger side effects that they cannot give you medicine for.  I find that even for small things like shopping I have to either sum up lots of energy; buy things in small amounts so the trip is quick: or let Bill drive and come with me.  I take a sleep during the day most days when I can; which helps a great deal.  My body obviously doesn’t take too kindly to be pumped full of poison.   

I guess with me being tired most of the time I sometimes struggle with staying positive.  The good thing is that Bill knows me so well and can see when I start to feel that I don’t want to bother with things.  By just reminding me that it will work out in the end and that everyone we know is praying for us gives me the encouragement that I need.  There are days I would just like to sleep all day but I know that is more in my head than in my body so I find good things to do. 

I also find that food isn’t really appealing much to me.  Bill is being amazing and doing a lot of the cooking at the moment.   There are certain foods that appeal to me but as soon as they are cooked I don’t feel hungry and struggle to eat very much and other stuff I cannot stand the smell; especially sea food.  Fish is good as it is very light so I can eat more of it.  I will be really pleased when chemo has finished and my appetite comes back and I didn’t really think I would ever say that.

I look back at what I have just written and it seems that life isn’t that good at the moment but this isn’t true.  When the sun is shining and we can walk outside and see all the new growth I know life is good.

Just before I post this Bill and I have just come back from the cinema with friends seeing “The Kings Speech”   Most people in the UK will have seen it already but it takes a while to get here and it takes us even longer to go to the cinema.  It was so good to grab something to eat; watch a movie with friends  and then have a proper meal afterwards.  Life is good when it is normal.

Saturday 26th February 2011

February 26^th 2011 

It has been over a week since I last wrote and I have had an interesting time.  Although I haven’t been feeling sick at all, which is a blessing; two of the side-effects from the medicine have kicked in – ulcers and stomach problems.  Needless to say my mouth and throat are a little sore and my stomach feels like a lead balloon most of the time.  The good thing about both of them is that I have medication to combat them.  The bad thing I am beginning to feel like a regular client at the pharmacy,

Apart from these two inconveniences things are going reasonably well.  We had a visit to the doctor who is organising my radio on Tuesday and she was extremely helpful.  Her English was good: always a bonus; and she was more than happy to answer questions.  We asked about the stage that they found the cancer and for those in the know I am level two and stage one which is not perfect but it could be a lot worse.  They found three lumps under my arm, which they removed, and as it is less than four they were very pleased and are more than hopeful that everything will be alright.

I was given a schedule for my radio and as long as I finish my chemo on time I should start radio on the 16^th May for 5 weeks; finishing on the 18^th June.  That will be five days at a time: the weekend off, and then start again on the Monday morning.  As both our wedding anniversary and my birthday are in the middle of those dates,  I know how I will be celebrating.   I wonder how soon after the treatment my hair will start to grow. 

During the week a large box of hats and scarves arrived from a friend in the UK; thanks Dot.  So on Thursday we did a skype connection, complete with camera: and had a fashion parade of some of the hats; I still have to work out how to use the scarves.  It was a fun-filled hour which cheered me and kept us laughing.  It is things like that which makes an ordinary day much more fun.

I have an appointment with my chemo doctor this coming week; this is just to keep a check on my blood works and to see if there are any other various problems.  It should be an interesting chat and perhaps she can give a good medicine for my stomach

Well the sun is shining: although the wind is a little cool; we have just returned from walking on the beach.  Life certainly isn’t that bad.

February 17th 2011

I had another session of chemo yesterday. When I woke up today I was actually feeling much better; not really feeling sick at all.  I was a bit tired as we had to get up earlier for a Skype chat from Spain so I had a rest later in the morning which made me feel much better.  I was awake for an hour or so in the middle of the night; which does seem to be a factor for the first couple of days after my chemo session.  The other good thing is that I can actually taste my food which I hadn’t been able to the last couple of times.

During the night my mind is very active; I almost feel I could write a book for all the things that I am thinking about but they wouldn’t make sense in the light of the day. 

Going back to my “chemo day”, it didn’t start well.  I arrived at the station at 7:45 for the 7:49 train which failed to arrive.  I worked out there was one at 7:09 which would still get me to the hospital for the 8:00 appointment; although they do ask you to be there half an hour early.  Needless to say this didn’t turn up either.  I later found out that CP (Portugal trains) was on strike.  Unfortunately we do not watch Portuguese news so I had no idea.  I rushed back to the house, jumped into the car, and arrived at 7:40 at the hospital.  To add insult to injury the automatic machine that takes the car parking direct from the bank wasn’t working so I had to take a ticket.  At the end of the chemo I pushed the ticket into the pay machine only to be told that the payment was €240. Julie; my chemo buddy;  took the ticket to the ticket office and got a slightly better bill of €1.90. 

A couple of days ago I finally put the shampoo and conditioner that I use back in the cupboard.  It seems a small thing to do but I felt it was important.  It was like one more acceptance that you have cancer; have no hair: and you won’t be needing things like for a while.  Looking on the bright side my showers are much quicker, which means I can have that extra time in bed; always a bonus.

Well next week I should hopefully find out about my radiotherapy which follows my chemo.  I also want to ask what stage they think they found the cancer at.  The problem is that unless you ask here in Portugal they assume that you don’t want to know, not so in my case.  Part of me wants to know the other part doesn’t.  Let’s see how it goes. 

Tuesday 15th February 2011

I have had a real mixture of days: going from feeling really great to being so tired I had to go to bed even before people left on Sunday night.

Speaking to the family really lifts my spirit up so on Saturday morning I was feeling really good as I spent over an hour speaking with different people.  Saturday afternoon was a different story; we went for a walk as it was such a great day and after 15 minutes my legs felt like lead and I was worn out.  I came home and slept for two hours.

I spent the next couple of days being very frustrated as I wanted to feel good but didn’t.  I still have to come to terms with doing too much and paying the price for it afterwards.   As a great friend from Tanzania wrote “Would you PLEASE be patient with yourself?” Thanks Lisa I am trying,  but not succeeding very well. 

Monday evening was spent with friends over a meal and it is amazing how uplifting that is.  I had a great night’s sleep and felt good this morning; friends are so special.

Well tomorrow is chemo day: I have to be at the hospital by 7:30am.  Do you think I can sleep on the train and remember to get off at the correct station – watch this space.

This is a picture of Bill and I having a great meal on his birthday - and no, I do not have hair.

Wednesday 9th February 2011

Life has been reasonably quiet and normal the last few days.  It is amazing how good it is to lead a normal life: no hospital visits or doctor visits; just a quick trip to the clinic to pick up a prescription.  Bill is going to physiotherapy three times a week and on the days that he doesn’t do that we are trying to take a daily walk; this is to build my strength up and because the doctor told Bill that he needs to do it.  He got caught out by the various cholesterol levels when he had a blood test and got a mild telling off.

I think the main thing that I find frustrating is that I am not as fit as I think I should be.  People keep telling me that I have had a major operation and that I have cancer and it is normal to feel tired all the time.  I also get out of breath very easily which annoys me.  I guess patience is not my strongest point when it comes to health.  I want everything to be like it was before but I am finding that I have to rest more often and I sleep a lot and that bugs me.

On the up side the weather is warming up nicely which means that walking on the beach path is now becoming a pleasure, I love the ocean and enjoy breathing in the sea air.  Spring is on the way and we see new life springing out all around us.

Because life is normal at the moment I will leave writing more for another day.  I have chemo next Wednesday so will take the time to enjoy the week before it all starts again.