Thursday 28th April 2011

I have some amazing friends; I thought I would put that in first.  I was met on my last day of chemo, which was Tuesday by a group of ladies who wanted to celebrate with me.  I was tired, feeling sick but so glad to see them; thank you God for friends who support me.

I still have to go through some of the after effects of the chemo; in particular the tiredness but it does seem to be getting less.  Yesterday I managed shopping and some gardening; although the trees may not agree with that term; they look more like a massacre after I had finished with them.  I can’t help it if God made me too short to cut the tops which in effect means that they are not straight.   

I go to see the Dr on the 10^th May and hopefully she will have some news regarding the chemo.  I still have to have to go through radio from the 16^th May but it would be nice to hear some good news.  I am obviously not sure how much she can tell me before the radio but I continue to be hopeful. 

People tell me my hair is growing; although I just wish it would grow back quicker and slightly darker.  As one little boy when asked the colour; it is skin colour; or perhaps just white.  Why are kids so honest?

I still have lots of appointments at the hospital; I really do feel that I am wasting so much of my time there; especially with the sun shining.  The good thing is that they will be getting less; at least after mid June. 

The family are coming over for my birthday this year and I really can’t wait to see them.  They have already booked the good weather which suits me fine.

Well off to a meeting; I feel grateful that I have energy and a new lease of life after feeling so tired.  I will probably come home and sleep for a while but that is ok as each day is getting better.

Saturday 16th April 2011

I have just realised that it is 16 days since I updated my blog.  The good thing is that I have had a really positive time since I last wrote.    

I had my crazy chemo day on the 5^th April.  The reason it was crazy was that I had four appointments within a very short time.  Despite this we managed everything although we seemed to be running around the hospital quite a lot.  When we asked about the closeness of the appointments we were told it was normal and my doctor seemed to know what was happening; even if we didn’t.

The first couple of days after chemo I felt really well; so much that I went shopping, visited people and did loads of normal things.  For a couple of days I didn’t feel that good so I rested for a while but since then I have been feeling much better.  It helps that the sun is warm and at last I am warm again. 

My last chemo will be on the 26^th April; just after Easter; if all is well. It seems a great way to celebrate such a special time of the year.

Now the warm weather seems to have arrived I am having fun with “the hair”.  The problem is that my head gets very hot wearing it; especially as I have to wear either a scarf or hat on top of it as it looks rather wild without it.  Bill and I have been going out for walks in the morning so I tend just to wear a baseball cap as it much lighter.  I didn’t realise that the gap at the back of the hat showed that I had almost no hair.  To be honest it doesn’t worry me at all and hopefully nobody notices it so it doesn’t worry them either.

My hair is beginning to grow again slowly.  It doesn’t help that it is very fair; probably grey if I am honest.  My hair fell out slightly early and hopefully it will grow again early.  Not being a hairdresser I am not sure how long it will take to grow but the signs are good.

Although I don’t seem to have written much “no news is good news” as we used to say when I was growing up; life is slowly beginning to return to normal.  All I need now is to get the treatment out of the way and then wait for my “rebuild”.  This will probably be at the beginning of next year according to my doctor.  Whatever it takes I will work with it; I am just glad to feel good.

Friday 1st April 2011

Over a week with no treatment; no hospital visits and the sun is shining.  Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit a friend in Porto so I caught the train home, getting off at the further station from the house and walked back on the beach pathway.  It was so warm and so wonderful to see the sea, feel the warmth of the sun and just enjoy myself without feeling ill.  Life is great when it is normal.

This week I have been much stronger, we think that I had a something on top of the after effects as Bill was ill as well.  I had a flu type cold but with no immunity it knocked me out.  This week we are both doing so much better.  My chemo is Tuesday 5^th April so we praying and hoping that my blood count is ok to do the chemo.  Don’t get me wrong - I don’t enjoy the treatment; I just want it finished.

It is exactly 13 years today since Bill and I arrived in Portugal.  We spent six and a half years in Lisbon and the rest of the time here in Porto.  If I had a chance to be somewhere else with everything that has happened; the answer is no.  Although it is often difficult to be in a country where your knowledge of the language is poor and things don’t always work out like they should; I wouldn’t have changed anything.

Next Tuesday is going to be crazy; although my friend seems to think everything will work out.  The main problem is timing.  According to appointments I have a CAT scan which takes ½ hour at 11:30; my doctor’s appointment at 11:40; blood tests at 12:00 and my chemo at 13:30.  Now anyone who knows any public health system knows that appointments do not run on time.  It doesn’t help that Isabel is in France next week so is unable to help out.   Isabel has asked a colleague to help me and so I have to be at the hospital at 9:30 and she is going to take me to the analysis  department.  Hopefully she will help getting the blood works out of the way early.  Somehow we have to arrange everything else.  Fortunately Julie is coming with me to help with the language because by the time I have finished I will probably want to scream; or something worse.  We will have to wait and see how the Portuguese   public health system will work this one out.

I am writing this in two parts as I went out with friends this morning.  It was only a visit to MAKRO to buy apples for the CASA project; this is an organisation that works with the homeless and Alison who was with me is going out with them this evening; hence the apple run as we now call it.   It was nice to do normal things; even to the point of having a laugh that you can only have with really close friends.  We stood in front of the shampoo counter and discussed which shampoo I could use; although it may have to wait a while.  The other customers must have thought we were crazy; or they would have done if they spoke English.

I also realised that I have been out in the car two times this week and will be driving again tomorrow.  This is the most I have been in the car driving myself since November; it is nice to be free again.

The only annoying part at the moment is that I have no body heat at all.  Even though the weather is very nice with a blue sky and it is quite warm; 25+ degrees I only feel warm when I actually stand in the sun.  The other problem is that when I stand in the sun my head actually starts sweating when I have “the hair” on my head.  By the time I took it off my head was dripping wet.

Apart from that everything is looking good.

Friday 25th March 2011

Well the waiting game finished Saturday morning; I didn’t think I could feel so bad.  I think I had all but one of the side effects that they mentioned; stomach pains; absolutely no energy at all; tiredness all of the time and fever.  To add to this I have been waking up three times a night soaking wet with either fever or perspiration.  The good thing that last night was the first time that I didn’t have the fever, just the perspiration.  Now I know what people mean when they say chemo is bad.  Yesterday was probably the first time I have felt half normal.  I say only half as the time is certainly getting longer as to how long I feel good.  I even managed to do some work today which is the first since last Friday. 

My main concern with this is not the side effects; I know that they will finish; but that my blood count is back to normal on the 5^th April which is my next chemo.  If it is not then they will delay the chemo for a few days if not a week.  Delaying chemo means delaying radiotherapy and I have now got to the stage where I just want it finished; praying that I don’t need more.

Also something that doesn’t help Bill’s has had a bad cough/flu type cold as well; so I do think we might be a very unhealthy household at the moment.

For the first time I think ever since Riverside Porto Church started they had a meeting here; where I was physically in the house; but not in the meeting.  I said hello to a few people and retreated to bed were I just rested.  This week I have really had to listen to my body; which said if I don’t lie down I may fall down; so I took its advice.

I went for my scan last Thursday; it was to check something that the doctor had seen on my spine.  Whatever it was it had nothing to do with my cancer.  That was great news; so now to carry on with the treatment.

Have there been some good times this past week; not many to be honest but I know that there will be and I will keep fighting.  Please keep praying and fighting with me.

Tuesday 15th March 2011

We have been away at the Christian Associates (CAI) Leaders Summit since last Wednesday; arrived back yesterday; having stopped in at Mountainview Church in Madrid on the way back. 

It obviously did us good as when I had the blood tests yesterday just before chemo it was remarkably good.  I wasn’t sure that I should tell them that we have people praying for us all over the world; they may not understand.

We left for Madrid last Wednesday and arrived to be greeted by so many friends and fellow workers, it was great just being in the real world.  This year was obviously different as I found after the first day I needed more rest than I hoped I would need.  On the second day I took more rest and found I could cope much better.  I also got used to wearing “the hair”.  It surprised me that nobody seemed to realise that it wasn’t my own hair; although I wore either a hat or headscarf.  Perhaps they thought that I was being religious; not much chance of that I would add.  It obviously looks better than I thought.

We spent our Sunday morning and some of the afternoon at Mountainview Church; another CAI church where our great friends Richard and Riekje are the pastors.  We spent two nights kipping down with other great friends Rob and Chris.  It was nice to be able to share with the people at Mountainview how we are doing at Riverside Porto and our vision for the future.  We also shared our health stories as well; keeping it quite light: and it was lovely to hear how it blessed other people.   As I have said before it is great nowadays when life is normal.

We arrived back yesterday with me having to go straight from the airport to hospital for blood tests and chemo.  The blood tests as previously mentioned went well with good results.  Unfortunately I messed up with some of the medication, due to not fully understanding the Portuguese which meant that it was delayed for an hour so, along with Julie; spent far more time in the hospital than was actually needed.  The good thing was that we got it sorted out in the end and I now know what I need to do next time.  Even better so far the after effects are really good; how long that will last I am not sure: another waiting game. 

I am not sure if it is the result of the chemo but I find that if I wake up during the night I am really hot; so hot indeed that my pillow is soaking wet and I am almost dripping with sweat.  It feels that I am going through the change again; which is something that I want to do without.  It may be connected but I honestly don’t know. 

Anyway back to the real world, if that is possible, I have a scan on Thursday to check for something.  When I found out what it is for I will let you know.  I am sure that my doctor told me, but that was a while back and I have forgotten.    Life is good at the moment, may it keep on being like this.

Saturday 6th March 2011

This past week I went to see my chemo doctor who explained my next set of treatment.  I will be on a completely different set of drugs which can give me a new set of side effects.  The side effects of these drugs don’t sound that nice but according to the doctor they have medicine for everything.    What this means is that they give you a whole bunch of medicine  which I call “just in case”.  I am beginning to understand why drug companies are so rich.   

I am feeling very tired most days now; which I have been told is one of the larger side effects that they cannot give you medicine for.  I find that even for small things like shopping I have to either sum up lots of energy; buy things in small amounts so the trip is quick: or let Bill drive and come with me.  I take a sleep during the day most days when I can; which helps a great deal.  My body obviously doesn’t take too kindly to be pumped full of poison.   

I guess with me being tired most of the time I sometimes struggle with staying positive.  The good thing is that Bill knows me so well and can see when I start to feel that I don’t want to bother with things.  By just reminding me that it will work out in the end and that everyone we know is praying for us gives me the encouragement that I need.  There are days I would just like to sleep all day but I know that is more in my head than in my body so I find good things to do. 

I also find that food isn’t really appealing much to me.  Bill is being amazing and doing a lot of the cooking at the moment.   There are certain foods that appeal to me but as soon as they are cooked I don’t feel hungry and struggle to eat very much and other stuff I cannot stand the smell; especially sea food.  Fish is good as it is very light so I can eat more of it.  I will be really pleased when chemo has finished and my appetite comes back and I didn’t really think I would ever say that.

I look back at what I have just written and it seems that life isn’t that good at the moment but this isn’t true.  When the sun is shining and we can walk outside and see all the new growth I know life is good.

Just before I post this Bill and I have just come back from the cinema with friends seeing “The Kings Speech”   Most people in the UK will have seen it already but it takes a while to get here and it takes us even longer to go to the cinema.  It was so good to grab something to eat; watch a movie with friends  and then have a proper meal afterwards.  Life is good when it is normal.

Saturday 26th February 2011

February 26^th 2011 

It has been over a week since I last wrote and I have had an interesting time.  Although I haven’t been feeling sick at all, which is a blessing; two of the side-effects from the medicine have kicked in – ulcers and stomach problems.  Needless to say my mouth and throat are a little sore and my stomach feels like a lead balloon most of the time.  The good thing about both of them is that I have medication to combat them.  The bad thing I am beginning to feel like a regular client at the pharmacy,

Apart from these two inconveniences things are going reasonably well.  We had a visit to the doctor who is organising my radio on Tuesday and she was extremely helpful.  Her English was good: always a bonus; and she was more than happy to answer questions.  We asked about the stage that they found the cancer and for those in the know I am level two and stage one which is not perfect but it could be a lot worse.  They found three lumps under my arm, which they removed, and as it is less than four they were very pleased and are more than hopeful that everything will be alright.

I was given a schedule for my radio and as long as I finish my chemo on time I should start radio on the 16^th May for 5 weeks; finishing on the 18^th June.  That will be five days at a time: the weekend off, and then start again on the Monday morning.  As both our wedding anniversary and my birthday are in the middle of those dates,  I know how I will be celebrating.   I wonder how soon after the treatment my hair will start to grow. 

During the week a large box of hats and scarves arrived from a friend in the UK; thanks Dot.  So on Thursday we did a skype connection, complete with camera: and had a fashion parade of some of the hats; I still have to work out how to use the scarves.  It was a fun-filled hour which cheered me and kept us laughing.  It is things like that which makes an ordinary day much more fun.

I have an appointment with my chemo doctor this coming week; this is just to keep a check on my blood works and to see if there are any other various problems.  It should be an interesting chat and perhaps she can give a good medicine for my stomach

Well the sun is shining: although the wind is a little cool; we have just returned from walking on the beach.  Life certainly isn’t that bad.