Friday 25th March 2011

Well the waiting game finished Saturday morning; I didn’t think I could feel so bad.  I think I had all but one of the side effects that they mentioned; stomach pains; absolutely no energy at all; tiredness all of the time and fever.  To add to this I have been waking up three times a night soaking wet with either fever or perspiration.  The good thing that last night was the first time that I didn’t have the fever, just the perspiration.  Now I know what people mean when they say chemo is bad.  Yesterday was probably the first time I have felt half normal.  I say only half as the time is certainly getting longer as to how long I feel good.  I even managed to do some work today which is the first since last Friday. 

My main concern with this is not the side effects; I know that they will finish; but that my blood count is back to normal on the 5^th April which is my next chemo.  If it is not then they will delay the chemo for a few days if not a week.  Delaying chemo means delaying radiotherapy and I have now got to the stage where I just want it finished; praying that I don’t need more.

Also something that doesn’t help Bill’s has had a bad cough/flu type cold as well; so I do think we might be a very unhealthy household at the moment.

For the first time I think ever since Riverside Porto Church started they had a meeting here; where I was physically in the house; but not in the meeting.  I said hello to a few people and retreated to bed were I just rested.  This week I have really had to listen to my body; which said if I don’t lie down I may fall down; so I took its advice.

I went for my scan last Thursday; it was to check something that the doctor had seen on my spine.  Whatever it was it had nothing to do with my cancer.  That was great news; so now to carry on with the treatment.

Have there been some good times this past week; not many to be honest but I know that there will be and I will keep fighting.  Please keep praying and fighting with me.

Tuesday 15th March 2011

We have been away at the Christian Associates (CAI) Leaders Summit since last Wednesday; arrived back yesterday; having stopped in at Mountainview Church in Madrid on the way back. 

It obviously did us good as when I had the blood tests yesterday just before chemo it was remarkably good.  I wasn’t sure that I should tell them that we have people praying for us all over the world; they may not understand.

We left for Madrid last Wednesday and arrived to be greeted by so many friends and fellow workers, it was great just being in the real world.  This year was obviously different as I found after the first day I needed more rest than I hoped I would need.  On the second day I took more rest and found I could cope much better.  I also got used to wearing “the hair”.  It surprised me that nobody seemed to realise that it wasn’t my own hair; although I wore either a hat or headscarf.  Perhaps they thought that I was being religious; not much chance of that I would add.  It obviously looks better than I thought.

We spent our Sunday morning and some of the afternoon at Mountainview Church; another CAI church where our great friends Richard and Riekje are the pastors.  We spent two nights kipping down with other great friends Rob and Chris.  It was nice to be able to share with the people at Mountainview how we are doing at Riverside Porto and our vision for the future.  We also shared our health stories as well; keeping it quite light: and it was lovely to hear how it blessed other people.   As I have said before it is great nowadays when life is normal.

We arrived back yesterday with me having to go straight from the airport to hospital for blood tests and chemo.  The blood tests as previously mentioned went well with good results.  Unfortunately I messed up with some of the medication, due to not fully understanding the Portuguese which meant that it was delayed for an hour so, along with Julie; spent far more time in the hospital than was actually needed.  The good thing was that we got it sorted out in the end and I now know what I need to do next time.  Even better so far the after effects are really good; how long that will last I am not sure: another waiting game. 

I am not sure if it is the result of the chemo but I find that if I wake up during the night I am really hot; so hot indeed that my pillow is soaking wet and I am almost dripping with sweat.  It feels that I am going through the change again; which is something that I want to do without.  It may be connected but I honestly don’t know. 

Anyway back to the real world, if that is possible, I have a scan on Thursday to check for something.  When I found out what it is for I will let you know.  I am sure that my doctor told me, but that was a while back and I have forgotten.    Life is good at the moment, may it keep on being like this.

Saturday 6th March 2011

This past week I went to see my chemo doctor who explained my next set of treatment.  I will be on a completely different set of drugs which can give me a new set of side effects.  The side effects of these drugs don’t sound that nice but according to the doctor they have medicine for everything.    What this means is that they give you a whole bunch of medicine  which I call “just in case”.  I am beginning to understand why drug companies are so rich.   

I am feeling very tired most days now; which I have been told is one of the larger side effects that they cannot give you medicine for.  I find that even for small things like shopping I have to either sum up lots of energy; buy things in small amounts so the trip is quick: or let Bill drive and come with me.  I take a sleep during the day most days when I can; which helps a great deal.  My body obviously doesn’t take too kindly to be pumped full of poison.   

I guess with me being tired most of the time I sometimes struggle with staying positive.  The good thing is that Bill knows me so well and can see when I start to feel that I don’t want to bother with things.  By just reminding me that it will work out in the end and that everyone we know is praying for us gives me the encouragement that I need.  There are days I would just like to sleep all day but I know that is more in my head than in my body so I find good things to do. 

I also find that food isn’t really appealing much to me.  Bill is being amazing and doing a lot of the cooking at the moment.   There are certain foods that appeal to me but as soon as they are cooked I don’t feel hungry and struggle to eat very much and other stuff I cannot stand the smell; especially sea food.  Fish is good as it is very light so I can eat more of it.  I will be really pleased when chemo has finished and my appetite comes back and I didn’t really think I would ever say that.

I look back at what I have just written and it seems that life isn’t that good at the moment but this isn’t true.  When the sun is shining and we can walk outside and see all the new growth I know life is good.

Just before I post this Bill and I have just come back from the cinema with friends seeing “The Kings Speech”   Most people in the UK will have seen it already but it takes a while to get here and it takes us even longer to go to the cinema.  It was so good to grab something to eat; watch a movie with friends  and then have a proper meal afterwards.  Life is good when it is normal.